It has been a while since I last wrote a blog, the things that have happened in the past week have been emotional, now all being resolved, I can move on with my life and look positively at the future. This world is too short to just cry all the time, I feel so good for reasons of my own, lets hope that this will stick and not fade.
Me and the dangle boy have split, there is a time and place for love and two people who are willing to work with each other and find a balance, I was sure our relationship was this, but I know he didn't. One day we will find someone else to deal with our imperfections. I have no lasting hatreds of him I just know now it wasn't the time for a relationship. Big changes in our lives, big dreams which don't fit together, drunken nights of stupidity and you get disaster.
It's human thing right?
Today I will get a job, I won't take no for an answer, it will be a good day possibley ending in getting wrecked again tonight, fantastic!
Firstly job though...then the world is my oyster.
Tuesday 26 February 2008
Wednesday 13 February 2008
winchester
cloudless blue the sky remains
A winter sun on our faces
no wind to speak of
no rain to feel on our skin
The weather has been beautiful. Strange I remark on the weather here before I remark on times I have had. Maybe because it is the strangest thing compared to liverpool, the times I have had are fun, but so far much the same as the times I have in Liverpool, drunken nights and lots of friendly equally fucked people. Another difference is I am with my Snake bear man.
We told each other what animals we were yesterday while watching family guy, I am apparently a lema/sloth. I feel quite honoured by this because it is better than a goat which has embarressingly been another likeness to me in the animal kingdom. I am apparently also a tapir when it comes to my face.
Please dear readers don't judge him he means no harm when it comes to descriptions of me. He thinks it is cute...??
I will load up images of what we have done at a later date. I can say we have explored all the regions of Winchester, nature beauty and wildlife.
I realise since being here I miss the scenery, I miss trees, I miss grass, the sun. I wish we had this on our doorsteps in liverpool, but we just have large concrete buildings, empty grey skies and no foliage. Winchester is peaceful, friendly, clean and naturally stunning.
I am at the moment being diverted by craigs bendy bits, don't worry he is a dancer and is warming up his muscles infront of me i.e. cheast stands, feet over head, splits, macdonalds M. All sorts of those things. very impressive very hard to do and all quite engrossing to watch.
I could watch him doing these things the rest of my life.
My little limber snake bear...
A winter sun on our faces
no wind to speak of
no rain to feel on our skin
The weather has been beautiful. Strange I remark on the weather here before I remark on times I have had. Maybe because it is the strangest thing compared to liverpool, the times I have had are fun, but so far much the same as the times I have in Liverpool, drunken nights and lots of friendly equally fucked people. Another difference is I am with my Snake bear man.
We told each other what animals we were yesterday while watching family guy, I am apparently a lema/sloth. I feel quite honoured by this because it is better than a goat which has embarressingly been another likeness to me in the animal kingdom. I am apparently also a tapir when it comes to my face.
Please dear readers don't judge him he means no harm when it comes to descriptions of me. He thinks it is cute...??
I will load up images of what we have done at a later date. I can say we have explored all the regions of Winchester, nature beauty and wildlife.
I realise since being here I miss the scenery, I miss trees, I miss grass, the sun. I wish we had this on our doorsteps in liverpool, but we just have large concrete buildings, empty grey skies and no foliage. Winchester is peaceful, friendly, clean and naturally stunning.
I am at the moment being diverted by craigs bendy bits, don't worry he is a dancer and is warming up his muscles infront of me i.e. cheast stands, feet over head, splits, macdonalds M. All sorts of those things. very impressive very hard to do and all quite engrossing to watch.
I could watch him doing these things the rest of my life.
My little limber snake bear...
Friday 8 February 2008
Amanda Dalton and her nest poems
For poetry we had to study a verse of poems by Amanda Dalton. She writes about this newpaper clipping she had kept for a long time about a woman who was jilted at the wedding alter and went insane. She decided to build a nest in the garden and didn't leave it for 30 years. She had her wedding presents still in their boxes hanging from the trees in pink ribbon.
Likely causes of death were malnutrition and hyperthermia. It is a fancinating read and I advice it to everyone.
Being inspired by this I found a couple of copys of the independant in my room and cut out every article that was intersting to me. Maybe I could link them together and make a story, maybe I could write a set of poems like Amanda Dalton did.
Also on reading her verse of poems I felt a powerful sting of emotion run through me and I felt like I wanted to do the same intense lust she must of had to write about a relationship of that tragedy. I want to do the same while my lover is away exploring the country in it's beauty and wonder. I want to write a set of poems about the feelings I seem to be going through, they are hard and painful but it seems to be ok when I write about them.
Likely causes of death were malnutrition and hyperthermia. It is a fancinating read and I advice it to everyone.
Being inspired by this I found a couple of copys of the independant in my room and cut out every article that was intersting to me. Maybe I could link them together and make a story, maybe I could write a set of poems like Amanda Dalton did.
Also on reading her verse of poems I felt a powerful sting of emotion run through me and I felt like I wanted to do the same intense lust she must of had to write about a relationship of that tragedy. I want to do the same while my lover is away exploring the country in it's beauty and wonder. I want to write a set of poems about the feelings I seem to be going through, they are hard and painful but it seems to be ok when I write about them.
Thursday 7 February 2008
coping without him
The seasons change their name
The world stays the same
It’s only peoples lives which change
I will always love you
As destiny moves you place’s
I’ll stay by you forever
As destiny carries you away
I remain here alone
I feel lost
I feel scared
I feel sadness whelming in my life,
The waves crash in my head
The tears rise in my throat
Whatever happens I remain waiting
Waiting for you
Until you decide we must be together
Finally a resolution in my life
I must try to make those days pass quicker
Filling my life with things that take my thoughts away from you
As the days without you pass
The pain will be less
We had plans
We had dreams
They have been pushed back
They have been replaced
You must pursue your dreams
So shall I
We will do this alone
Without each other
I imagined I would be with you
Fulfilling each other’s dreams
This will be
But not for years
So as the seasons change their names
We will stay the same
Locked in our caged thoughts
Until we meet again.
Monday 4 February 2008
oh many titles...mainly pepper
I have contemplated many things for this blog, but I am drawn between proving my university friends wrong when they say I wouldn't write a blog about peppers or writing about mine and Craigs conversation earlier involving mayonassie, I feel it would be inappropriate to recall any words used in said conversation so I choose the peppers and thus prove university friends wrong.
Where to begin? what could possibly be said about peppers?
So dubbed the creative hippy in my group (I resent being called a hippie!) I had the piss taken out of me when they had found out I was writing a blog...they study such things as history, accountancy or work at tescos...umm I find none of these things thrilling or exciting in anyway, but they are all a bunch of lovable fools and we all seem to have the passion of holyoaks, drinking loads and taking the piss out of each other, or just me...
The pepper comes in many forms. I know not how the conversation of peppers and my blog came into the same sentence but it was over dramatised by my misunderstanding of which pepper Sean was talking about. I was convinced it was the colourful vegtable peppers we get in super markets, which are also known as bell pepper, but instead it was the granuals of pepper one may put on any dish to compliment their food. Uninteresting this may seem, but it is how I seem to get my inspiration these days, I cock up a sentence I write something about it...umm maybe I should go out more?
As I read on the internet about the exciting world of peppers, I find that you can get a spicy type of pepper where the seeds are pink, pepper also seems to be rather a popular name for musicians to use in their music and as their names. Red hot chilli peppers, 'pepper song' by the Butthole Surfers (infact one of my favourite bands), Pepper Keenan, Art Pepper. Pepper is a warm up excerise in vollyball and baseball and let us never forget that sweet cherry tasting drink, Dr Pepper!
This has only been a short insight into the world of pepper and its many uses in our day to day life. Let it never be said again that I won't write something to prove a point. We all now know it is a lost battle to anyone who challenges me...
Where to begin? what could possibly be said about peppers?
So dubbed the creative hippy in my group (I resent being called a hippie!) I had the piss taken out of me when they had found out I was writing a blog...they study such things as history, accountancy or work at tescos...umm I find none of these things thrilling or exciting in anyway, but they are all a bunch of lovable fools and we all seem to have the passion of holyoaks, drinking loads and taking the piss out of each other, or just me...
The pepper comes in many forms. I know not how the conversation of peppers and my blog came into the same sentence but it was over dramatised by my misunderstanding of which pepper Sean was talking about. I was convinced it was the colourful vegtable peppers we get in super markets, which are also known as bell pepper, but instead it was the granuals of pepper one may put on any dish to compliment their food. Uninteresting this may seem, but it is how I seem to get my inspiration these days, I cock up a sentence I write something about it...umm maybe I should go out more?
As I read on the internet about the exciting world of peppers, I find that you can get a spicy type of pepper where the seeds are pink, pepper also seems to be rather a popular name for musicians to use in their music and as their names. Red hot chilli peppers, 'pepper song' by the Butthole Surfers (infact one of my favourite bands), Pepper Keenan, Art Pepper. Pepper is a warm up excerise in vollyball and baseball and let us never forget that sweet cherry tasting drink, Dr Pepper!
This has only been a short insight into the world of pepper and its many uses in our day to day life. Let it never be said again that I won't write something to prove a point. We all now know it is a lost battle to anyone who challenges me...
Saturday 2 February 2008
This is what you get
'For a minute I lost my self, I lost myself'
Radiohead is not the best thing to listen to when you are already depressed but for some reason it is also quite comforting knowing there is someone else out there who feels the same way you do.
God bless Thom Yorke.
One of those days you pass out at 7am and then wake up with a painful head and grumbling stomach at 3pm. The rest of the day passes much the same as when you woke up but if someone graces you with their company then it is a score because you can talk and avert your mind from the terrible truth that you are very unfortunately hungover,
'Still cries at a good film,
Still kisses with saliva'
While lying on your bed watching the pretty pictures on the screen you understand that there is no one to blame apart from yourself for feeling like a pile of shit.
Anti social behaviour is a must on these occassions, you just want the day to end, but you can't let yourself sleep at 8pm because that would just be a sin, especially on a saturday night.
You question to how everyone is going out after the night before, but you don't care because your not and thats all that preys on your mind. Should I go out and get once again drunk and hungover? Or should I stay in the warmth and peace? Before your head decides for you, your eyes start to close and open lazily and you start to dream of how tomorrow might be better, at least you wont be hungover and depressed.
Its the first day of my life and I will live it honestly and sensibley. What a wonderful thought, shame it never lasts...
Radiohead is not the best thing to listen to when you are already depressed but for some reason it is also quite comforting knowing there is someone else out there who feels the same way you do.
God bless Thom Yorke.
One of those days you pass out at 7am and then wake up with a painful head and grumbling stomach at 3pm. The rest of the day passes much the same as when you woke up but if someone graces you with their company then it is a score because you can talk and avert your mind from the terrible truth that you are very unfortunately hungover,
'Still cries at a good film,
Still kisses with saliva'
While lying on your bed watching the pretty pictures on the screen you understand that there is no one to blame apart from yourself for feeling like a pile of shit.
Anti social behaviour is a must on these occassions, you just want the day to end, but you can't let yourself sleep at 8pm because that would just be a sin, especially on a saturday night.
You question to how everyone is going out after the night before, but you don't care because your not and thats all that preys on your mind. Should I go out and get once again drunk and hungover? Or should I stay in the warmth and peace? Before your head decides for you, your eyes start to close and open lazily and you start to dream of how tomorrow might be better, at least you wont be hungover and depressed.
Its the first day of my life and I will live it honestly and sensibley. What a wonderful thought, shame it never lasts...
Friday 1 February 2008
drunk at six half in the morning
when you see your boyfriend with loads of other girls on the other side of the planet dancing and hugging and being lovely towards each other, you only think, is he for me? well fuck it I love craig, drunken arsehole that he is, but I know he loves me, so it is fine. I accept that he is a foolish man and I am his foolish woman. That's my craig..,silly tart but I REALLY DO LOVE HIM. oh well who said it was going to be easy? just accept audience...
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